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Meaningful family traditions
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My wife and I come from homes without much in the way of admirable traditions. We both became Christians as adults, and now with four boys to raise, we find ourselves casting about during occasions like Easter, trying to develop a set of traditions that are meaningful. We don’t want our children to associate Easter solely, as we did, with hunting for eggs, any more than we want them thinking Christmas is all about presents.
There’s something oxymoronic about trying to start a tradition. But that’s where we are. Some churches are rich in tradition and practice, making it easier for people like us to bind ourselves to meaningful habits. We find ourselves in a Protestant church, however—the very label connotes a casting off of habits. So we have to inaugurate our own traditions.
Take Passover, for example. I know, it’s a Jewish holiday. But it’s also the night when Christ broke bread and drank wine with his disciples, and when he prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane. I’m not the first Protestant to think perhaps this deserves some commemoration. I did a little reading about how other Christians do this, but we were mostly on our own. We settled on lamb chops (the last fresh lamb our butcher had), with, among other things, a side of horseradish, commemorating the bitterness of captivity (to sin), and a side of cooked apples, to signify the sweetness of deliverance. We had bread and red wine as well, and talked with the children about the significance of all these things. Probably all they’ll remember is that they each got a sip of wine.
I read Psalm 113 to them before we ate (”Who is like the Lord our God/Who is enthroned on high?”). After dinner I read Psalm 115 (”The Lord has been mindful of us; He will bless us”). The children listened politely … and asked for another sip of wine. I suppose a tradition doesn’t take root in one sitting, especially among little heathens.
Today they’ll have light meals, their way of walking alongside me as I fast. “Why won’t you eat?” asked my oldest. I told him that Good Friday is a day some Christians fast, as a way of repenting and remembering what the Lord did for us. He asked if he could fast, too. Later, I told him, when you’re older. That’s the other challenge with tradition, to keep it vibrant by remaining connected to its purpose, rather than letting it become the dead grip of a forgotten past.
A good Protestant could explain why all of this is balderdash. We’re liberated from these rituals, etc. As I teach my children other things, however, I’m struck by the efficacy of coupling theory with practice. It seems like we learn best when we are doing. We are practical creatures that way. So I fast, as a way of “doing” repentance, even though I know full well that the sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, and a broken and contrite heart. A physical practice like fasting, for me, strengthens my spiritual practice.
I’m curious if others have had the same experience and what, if anything, you do during the season of Passover and Good Friday and Easter. What do you do, if anything, to make this time more meaningful to you and your family?
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Tony,
Your children are not heathens. You don’t have the ability to perceive the faith that is in them at every given step of the way.
Remember, Caroline called the pastor “creature” and then WHAT?? What was it? Your two-year-old perceived God in what was happening. Caroline’s circumstances perhaps shaped her so that she expressed the faith that she had.
Your boys may be shaped by other circumstances but are not further from God than she.
Psalm 103C
“Like the pity of a father has Jehovah’s pity been…Jehovah’s lovingkindness unto them that fear his name from eternity abideth to eternity the same. And his righteousness remaineth to their children and their seed, who his covenant remember and his precepts hear and heed.”
Book of Psalms for Singing
My nearly five-year-old has been wanting to go to “big church” with us for some time. Easter Sunday we’re going to give it a try.
Fine post. I especially liked this line from Tony: “There’s something oxymoronic about trying to start a tradition. But that’s where we are.”
More power to you, Tony.
Two things can leave us rather empty:
1. Living in a gratuitous tradition busting era and not holding to many or any traditions and legacies passed down to us.
2. Living in a tradition worshipping era that demands holding on to traditions for tradition’s sake.
We’ve seen both trends in our land and thus the oxymoronic feeling. But as Christians, we are set free from “meaningless” ritual, and that also sets us free to relish ritual with the meaning rich in our hearts–even if we have to re-start them. What we are free from is the need to fake anything.
What we don’t want our children to think is that there is nothing really scred.
We simply went back to some of the earlier church traditions. We researched them, found the ones that had poignant meaning and inserted ourselves into what the church has been doing for centuries. Obviously not every tradition is relevant, but many are.
We observe seders with Messianic understanding, the stations of the cross, footwashing and weekly communion. It’s been refreshing.
The key is to pass on the meaning of the tradition and not just the tradition.
Tony,
You never know what kid’s will remember. However they will probably look back and remember you telling them the symbolic meaning of the food your wife made and why it was being served, and yes the little sip of wine you allowed them to have.
Studying the Bible was always a big part of our lives. Today being Good Friday was very special. Tomorrow (Saturday) my mother would make sure we had finished our Sunday school lessons, and memorized the passage of Scripture that had been given. She would finish our dresses with ribbons, we would try them on for the last fitting.
On Sunday we would have a special breakfast, but first we would find our Easter baskets,.. mom would fill them with special candy and chocolates, and a small stuffed bunny.
The best part was Church, Sunday School and the wonderful music. My mothers best friend played the violin and sang, it was the best, I can still hear her. My sister and I would sit one on each side of our mother. I loved the choir, and then it would be time for the message, as my father would walk to the pulpit and preach from the Word of God, read the Scripture, my heart was happy, my family was everything to me.
After church we would go home, the lamb would have been baking on a low degree while we were at Church. We always had guests for dinner, the table would be set as it always was on Sunday with mom’s beautiful crystal goblets and silver. My father would ask the LORD to bless the food. These memories are priceless to me, my family meant everything. I feel especially blessed that the LORD allowed me to be born to my parents.
Until just now I haven’t shared my father being a pastor, but I decided to tell you how much it meant for me to be a pastor’s daughter. I loved my parents being in the ministry, I loved everything about it.
God bless you as you Worship the LORD with your wife and children.
We skip the egg hunting and just eat the bunny. Granny made the best rabbit. We always went to sunrise service on Easter morning and then went off to the lake for Granny’s Rabbit.
After Granny died, my aunt Batty dressed up like the Easter Bunny when she cooked rabbit on Easter at the lake - taking over from her mom as nearly eldest daughter. She is a hoot but her rabbit isn’t s good as Granny’s. My aunt Charlotte should have taken over the rabbit cooking but she can’t cook a lick.
What do you do, if anything, to make this time more meaningful to you and your family?
Last year my 4 and 7 year old (and mom and dad!) colored small pictures in the weeks ahead to illustrate a storybook (translate dollar store slip-pocket album), that I put together telling first the story of God delivering the Israelites from Egypt, and then the story of Jesus’ last week and how the first story is really about Jesus and how much the two stories are alike. I tried to narrate it according to our boys’ age level/interest.
We went with the theme of Exodus 13:8-9…telling our children what the Lord has done for us, in bringing us out of sin with a mighty hand. As we tell/read the story we had props to keep the interest level. We let the boys use toys to demonstrate Moses going to Pharoah, waved palm branches as dad (modeling Jesus) rode on a stick pony, had wine and bread, etc.
We then share how God has been our Savior, not just for life, but in specific examples too.
Here are the scriptures we read:
1 Cor 5:7; Rev 13:8; Rev 17:14; Rev 12:11
and
Deut 5:15, Deut 4:9; Psalm 66:16; Mark 5:19; Psalm 102:18; 1 Samuel 7:12; Phil 1:20
I think coloring the pictures over time and seeing the book slowly come together encouraged them to be excited for the night. Of course we talked about what we would do before hand too.
We will repeat this again this year, and in preparation (we celebrate next month) this time we will be doing lapbooks on the theme (as I homeschool, and they have been a hit with my boys). My husband and I also have gone to a service marked with footwashing and communion on the previous night, but we are considering combining it all at home this year.
I suppose like anything else, we will keep mostly to the tradition of trying to bring glory to God, by telling HIS story, and the details/actions we’ll try and ask Him to guide what’s best for our family each time.
As far as what they’ll remember, I know I am not in control of that. All I can do is prayerfully emphasize what I think is important. What I most hope they do remember is His love, both in His story and spilling out of their parents.
Church was not a part of my growing up, though I am grateful for the parents God gave to me. And I am so grateful I was saved before I had children, so that we could raise them in the nurture & admonition of the Lord, & including attending church each Sunday.
This morning I prayed with my younger daughter (the older is out of the house now), a prayer of repentance & healing.
I suppose that besides going to church on Easter morning & having a family Easter dinner (including unbelieving family), we don’t have much of a tradition, but we do make a point of talking about the meaning of Good Friday & Easter (aka Resurrection Day), & expressing our gratitude for what God has done for us.
Victoria - I hope that one day my daughters will look back & be glad they were born to my husband & me, as you said about your parents. Sounds like you had an idyllic childhood.
Karen - 8
I’m sure your daughter will never forget you praying with her this morning for “repentance and healing” - its wonderful to hear of a mother and daughter who can pray together over problems in their lives. So many girls wouldn’t think of turning to their parents for help and then praying with them for God’s help.
I had a wonderful childhood, I wouldn’t trade it for anything, we had our problems, I wasn’t the perfect child.