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Personal Note: The missing “groove”
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I used to be one of those highly-organized, efficient, neat freaks. My days started at 5:45 a.m. with devotions, breakfast, and a 30-minute workout, after which I got ready for the day and began work. By the time my teacher-husband rolled back in around 4 p.m., my work was finished, errands were run, dinner was cooking, and the house was spic and span. (The later was thanks to a detailed household agenda that assigned specific chores for each day of the week.)
Ever since my daughter was born, however, I’ve struggled to get my groove back. Many days I don’t get around to taking a shower until 11 a.m., I’m behind by two whole Bible books in my devotional readings, and the house more often than not looks very “lived in.” Although the weekly household agenda still hangs on my fridge, judging from the film of dust coating the furniture throughout our home, it hasn’t been followed religiously in months. (Somehow, despite my lack of watering, I haven’t killed any of our houseplants–yet.)
So as we rapidly approach the one-year mark of my daughter’s triumphant entry into the world, I’m beginning to wonder whether I’ll ever get my groove back, or whether it’s time to bid adieu to–perhaps even grieve–my old ways and embrace a new, more reasonable “groove.” Alas, by the time I figure it out, I’m sure we’ll be on to Baby #2, and all bets are off once again.
Do you ever lose your groove–and if so, how do you get it back again?
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Don’t blame racism
I find a natural sine wave curve of in and out of the groove to be natural and inevitable.
I get back in the groove by thinking of all those who depend on me.
If I ever had a “groove”, I wouldn’t know how to act.
Mine’s more like a rut.
When I quit work to stay home with my son, I pictured the two of us sitting in the spotless dinning room, (having just cleared it of a gourmet, home cooked nutritious meal) with classical music playing in the background while I guided him in lessons two grades ahead of his age group. Instead it’s more like “Will you turn off that TV and finish your sandwich. It’s two o’clock already. Why are there rocks in the dishwasher?”
Don’t worry–you should be getting it back around the time your youngest goes off to college.
I bought a book entitled “Speed Cleaning” that promised that if you followed their method you could clean your entire house in 56 minutes. Of course their method didn’t included “help”. Having a preschoolers help you with your housework is kind of like having your cat help you with your knitting.
I had a very deliberate and well-organized “groove” until I retired. Now that I no longer car pool 120 miles round-trip every day, I’ve slipped into more of a ‘it’ll get done when it gets done’ routine. All the important stuff still gets done, and I’ve realized how many things I used to do aren’t all that important.
I can’t remember the old rhyme, Kristin, but the point of it was that chores were no where near as important as time spent with your children. And the best times are those spent with your children’s children, until one day you realize they aren’t children anymore, either. You’ll have all the time in the world to clean your house and water your plants then.
My mother cross stitched a poem for me which I am sure others know.
Cleaning and scrubbing can wait ’til tomorrow,
‘Cause babies grow up, we’ve learned to our sorrow.
So, quiet down cobwebs, and dust go to sleep.
I’m rocking my baby, and babies don’t keep.
The best encouragement is to learn how much mess you can live with and focus on what is important. Children younger than 3 take a lot of energy and attention. One person can’t be full time mother and full time housekeeper. That is why the wealthy people in the past had housekeepers (and nannies, too.) I have to live with the reality that we won’t have either housekeeper or nanny.
Thanks, Keebler, that’s the rhyme I couldn’t remember. It makes a good point.
Make It Man,
You beat me to it. I was going to explain to Kristan that once kids arrive any previous efficient in control groove naturally becomes a rut you have no control over - so don’t fret it.
Once the kids go off to college you will be too old to grove and look silly doing it so just assume that your grooving days are forever over. A blessing anyone should be thankful about:-)
Moms don’t need to be groovy (unless it’s from smile lines around their eyes).
Kristin,
Back in the day when I taught Childbirth Classes couples would remark that they were ‘anxious to get back to normal”. My response to them was, ‘It will be a new normal’.
So, what you have now is a ‘New Groove”.
Enjoy it.
Kristin, I discovered 26 years ago that from the time your world turns topsy-turvy from the first child’s entrance into your life, grooves are hard to come by. Just as you get into a routine, a new stage of life comes along - infants start crawling, crawlers start walking, and highly mobile kids get into more mischief than the ones who just sleep and eat, then another one comes along and you are dealing with 2 different stages at the same time, and on it goes. You get the idea. If you’re in the military, throw in a move and a change of scenery that brings with it necessary adjustments. It is difficult to find a permanent groove, but you develop a short term groove, and then expect it to change. Remember to be flexible. (Semper Gumby). The kids are the most important thing. More than a spotless house. That and lots of prayer. I learned quick that I was not the one in control…
Congratulations. Having a baby cured your obsessive compulsive disorder.
I never had a groove to begin with, so it’s hard to say.
I have no groove at home. I work full time - almost. When I worked full time (actually), I found that 2 kids, a husband (thankfully very helpful) and a full time job simply meant that the house would have to be a little messy and not everything gets done when or how I want it to. My kids are only young once, so I try not to worry about it. I know have one weekday off, and try to get some type of housework done when I am home. However, with nice weather on tap, I also make time to take the kids to the park, go for a walk, play catch with my son, etc. The housework will wait for a rainy day! My 5-year-old helped me plant the garden on Monday - he was thrilled and he actually was a help! Most of the time, having kids help is not a help, but they learn a lot and love spending time with you. Enjoy your slight insanity!
When I have it together I follow Flylady dot net
GodLumps: I have often thought the very same thing.
Thanks all for your wise–and/or witty–words of wisdom!
Our daughter came into the world 17 months ago. Since then, the family room has been a perpetual mess, since that’s where all her toys are. The rest of the house (aside from the upstairs loft, where her other toys are) stay mostly clean, but not these areas. And now she’s a toddler…the mess migrates!
So, grooves change. I would also add, based on my bride’s complaints, that the groove is nothing compared to your internal queries as to whether or not you’ll ever lose all your pregnancy weight and get back to your “normal” shape. These are parts of being a parent, and “growing up”, as God gives them.
“To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose.”
You’re in a particular season. There will be others.
I just lost a groove that was really working for me. I felt depressed for three whole weeks trying to live at the peaceful and enjoyable and productive pace I was living for most of the year.
It’s time for a new kind of normal.
It’s not exactly like I would like it, but I figure: either bend or break!
I often think of it as the new “normal”. I remember my husband saying since we had our daughter you can’t remember anything anymore. I am convinced that having children kills brain cells or at least rearranges them. You have to remember we are out of diapers or we need baby food. Now, that my children are older, did I sign the homework log, etc. Children teach us to be flexible and that is a good thing. Kristin you may want to check out my website, it is
www.christianworkingmom.com. A great place for Christian Working Moms to encourage and support one another.