And all the time they’re telling them when to clean the bathroom and wash the dishes and not leaving them any room to actually grow up and impress the parents.

My own parents wanted to give us “freedom to find our own way” as Outdeep speaks of, but - in my opinion - left us too much on our own. We didn’t get in trouble, we happened to be the kind of kids who preferred to follow the rules. But it’s been hard for both my sister and me to learn to make decisions confidently, even though we had so many opportunities to do so as children, because we also didn’t have any guidance in how to do it.

Our mother had had no opportunity to make her own choices as a child, or to take on responsibilities. She wanted to make sure we did. I don’t remember a single time my parents ever asked if my schoolwork was done, or even to see my report card. Whether I cleaned my room was my own business. What we chose to believe about God was up to us. We could learn how to cook by trial and error, just as she did.

So I had plenty of independence and responsibility from a young age, but it terrified me. The idea of growing up and being on my own - how would I ever figure it out? My mother still wanted someone to take care of her and make her decisions for her, long after I did grow up. And she marvelled that somehow my sister and I had more or less figured it out, in spite of her inability to guide us.

So I try to strike a balance. Let them try things, but don’t make them do stuff on their own that they’re not ready for. A nudge or a push is needed sometimes, to get them to try something new and a little scary. But I’m there to help when they need it, not standing back hands-off to leave them to sink or swim.

One of the few things I ended up doing right in parenting is to make it clear and demonstrate that they have to work out the consequences of their own choices. While some parents over-managed their kid’s high school career and produced children who could memorize their way through a test and had a Christianity that was shallow cliches and bumper-stickers.

I made it clear that if they didn’t do well on a test or missed assignments, it was their problem. Have fun in detention if they are late. As a result I saw my kids take ownership of their life and approach jobs with a kind of seriousness and responsibility that got them noticed and promoted quickly.

Not bragging here as I did more things wrong than I did right. But, in retrospect, I do see value in not micro-managing my kids or living my goals through them but giving advise and allowing them the freedom to find their own way.