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Andree Seu recalls her first experience with the Korean shoe custom. She thought some mystical Oriental tradition compelled Koreans to take their shoes off before entering a home. Only after she’d stomped fully shod into a Korean friend’s home did she learn it was to keep the rugs clean. In this week’s WORLD, Andree looks at how lots of mysteries and traditions look more attractive, more mysterious from the outside in.
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One more diversion
I am a white American whose wife is Chinese. At first this custom was a bit strange to me. Now it seems so natural and so obvious a thing to do that I sometimes do it even when visiting non-Asian friends without my wife. My friends may even tell me it’s not necessary, but it seems so much more sanitary. It feels inconsiderate to me now to walk around in someone’s house with my shoes on.
My daughter and her partner have people remove shoes when they come into their house. This is a well-known atheist homosexual tradition.
I though it was a well known Dutch Canadian tradition. Perhaps its basic hygiene.
It’s only a bummer when you’re bereaved of your arch supports. Then what?
Plenty of food for thought, Andree.
A good word.
#4 “It’s only a bummer when you’re bereaved of your arch supports. Then what?”
EYG,
We have friends who go shoeless indoors to keep their floors clean, but provide two options for guests. You can take off your shoes, as most people do, or you can put on a “shoe cover” that my friends keep on hand for that purpose. It looks kind of like a shower cap, but made of a material that reminds me of disposable dustrags, rather than plastic. You put it on over your shoe, and the elastic holds it in place. That way you don’t track any dirt in, but you can wear your shoes. My mother would have greatly appreciated that. She was rarely invited to anyone’s home, but if she were and they expected guests to take off their shoes, she would have had to stay home. Her feet were so bad that she couldn’t even take a shower because it required standing without shoes. She had to wear custom-made shoes because even the most foot-friendly ready-made shoes didn’t support her feet well enough.
According to Miss Manners, American manners work on the assumption that it is rude to ask guests to take their shoes off–you’re implying that their short visit might do damage to your floors, which is of course a ridiculous assertion in 999 cases out of 1000, but shows where your focus is.
In the same way we ignore the “cost” to our furniture and floors when a guest sits and walks, we insist that things we do for our guests are “no trouble.”
When your persnickityness is more important than the wholehearted reception of your guests, it knocks the shine off the welcome. I remember a friend who used to provide booties. One always felt she regarded one as vaguely unclean.
Kwerna,
An interesting perspective. I have been a guest at a number of friends’ houses where everyone took off their shoes, and I never felt that the welcome was any less because of it.
I had grown up in a home with bare wood flooring, not smooth polished hardwood but a rougher dull-looking wood. I don’t know that we would have picked up any splinters from the wood but we never went barefoot or even just in socks. To go to someone’s home where there was a nice plush carpet, nice and fluffy and clean because it didn’t get full of dirt and grit that was tracked in by shoes, was such a pleasure! I am always very happy to take off my shoes and put them with the pile at the door. And since the people who live there take off their own shoes, it’s not like I’m being treated any differently.
My son’s Cub Scout den leader holds den meetings in his home. He has “house rules” for the boys - take off your shoes, no jumping on the furniture, and no going down the hall to the bedrooms. But anyone willing to host a meeting of eight or more lively 7- and 8-year-old boys is hardly being persnickety about his house in my opinion.
#7 Kwerna, and Pauline,
I have been to a person’s house where they actually stared at my feet while they were saying hello and letting me in. I’m with Miss Manners on that one.
We were dressed up, and she didn’t have carpeting or rugs, just hard wood. We would have removed our shoes, and we did. But without even knowing what Miss Manners said, I was turned off at my hostess’ non-verbal insistence.
Also, I’ve seen those little showercaps for shoes and think they’re a good idea, provided the alternative. But, it also feels a little dumb to be dressed up and have to wear either the fuzzy slippers at the door, go barefoot or wear the little showercaps.
I like it when kids take their shoes off at the door. I mean, they run across the lawn, in and out of the dirt and mulch. Their shoes are usually pretty cruddy. But, most adults know to wipe their feet on the welcome mat and not track in dirt.
Most adults.
I say this, but just Sunday, an elderly man tracked in dirt and mulch all over my oriental rug (ironically). The mess was obvious enough that I felt some of the women checking me out for a reaction.
I was grateful it was not a muddy mess, and simply cleaned up after him after he had left. I don’t think -at 85 years old- that he had any idea what he had done.
I don’t think asking guests to remove their shoes is rude, per se. I lived in Japan and it was expected. But, here in the states, it isn’t.
I’d rather clean up a little than stare at someone’s feet.
#9
EYG,
I agree that staring at someone’s feet would be rude. The people I know where they and their guests take off their shoes at the door don’t say anything (verbally or non-verbally) and if you ask, they will say you don’t have to. The couple with the “showercap” things were very gracious hosts in every way.
I have simply learned to notice the pile of shoes by the door and recognize what the custom is at the house and take mine off also. I can’t remember the last time when I dressed up to go to someone else’s house. It was probably about 8 years ago, as I remember being invited to the home of an elderly couple known for their graciousness and simple elegance. I don’t remember what I wore, though I’m sure we dressed in our Sunday best (dinner was right after church), and I’m pretty sure no one took shoes off. What I remember best is my infant son’s projectile vomitting across their lovely dining room. And how upset my husband was and how gracious and not upset our hosts were.