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The Los Angeles Times reported yesterday on the growing voices of “post-abortive men” — men who encouraged, paid for, or merely endured the abortion of one or more children, and who now regret it. When I saw the Times headline (”Changing abortion’s pronoun: ‘We had abortions,’ say men whose lovers ended pregnancies. It isn’t just a women’s trauma, they insist. But critics see a political calculation.”), I expected long paragraphs explaining away post-abortion syndrome, explaining why men can’t possibly suffer thusly, and explaining why the post-abortive men’s movement is all just part of the Vast Evangelical Conspiracy’s plot to rip away women’s “right to choose.”
But I was pleasantly surprised at the story’s evenhanded treatment of a trend pro-abortion activists fear for this reason: When men are widely recognized as victims, said therapist Vincent Rue, who studies post-abortion syndrome, “that will change society.”
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ok…..maybe what I’m writing here is going to ruffle a few feathers. So be it!
A) When you really think of it, The Almighty made us in His image. Therefore, a woman who is impregnated does not have a right to abort her baby. They say it’s “her body”. oh? It’s murder. ’nuff said.
B) I believe in a woman’s right to choose…….choose to give birth to a full functioning human boy or girl inside of her. That little person has a right to live, just like she does.
C) Both men and women are responsible for a pregnancy. The woman, in her ability to carry the little baby to term has 2/3 right to say no to sex, and the man the remaining 1/3 right to say no to sex. Abstainance works 100% of the time!!!
If you don’t want a child, don’t make one!
D) when men are widely recognized as victims?? Vinman, have you overdosed on stupid pills again?
Humanity has been here on earth for what…15,000…20,000 years or so? And just now, someone is saying men suffer the emotional stress and what-have-you that a woman does? In the article, the L.A. Times reports that men are including themselves in the decision to end the pregnancy……..what’s this WE jazz?
Can’t open the story, so I don’t know what it says. Our PCC has post-abortive counseling for men, as well as for women, and are delighted to talk with men. We even can bring in a man to consult with the father when the mother comes in for an appointment.
We had a good friend who did the “right” thing and stood by his girlfriend when she aborted 30+ years ago. When he grew up, married and had three kids of his own, the enormity of what he did struck hard. If he’ll talk about it, he’ll tell you that choice probably was the worst one he ever made.
When you count 42 million abortions over the last 34 years, the numbers tell you a lot of women were involved–probably 30 million (because many women have more than one abortion). You add 30 million fathers, 60 million parents, who knows how many siblings and possibly grandparents. That means at least 120 million people–a third of the US population–has “blood” on its hand. No wonder so many don’t feel a compelling need to end abortion now. Too many have been complicit.
But until you are willing to recognize you have sinned, you aren’t going to get any relief from your grief. I’m encouraged that some men finally are stepping forward to say what should have been said a long time ago: “I’m sorry. What can I do to help?”
I would think a male victim would have had no knowledge of, or choice or say of any kind in the matter of a woman’s abortion.
If they knew about or was an accomplice in an abortion then the man has blood on their hands and is a murderer too and not a victim.
Many men are victims but many re not too.
The babies are the victims of the abortions.
The parents are the killers, along with the doctors (and the rest of the clinic staff). That they should feel guilt (and all the rest) is entirely appropriate.
I do feel for them, and I do hope they work through their pain and come to terms with their actions, but they are just not the victims (except perhaps those who were unwilling, but unduly pressured or forced into it).
I can’t open the story either. Anyway you can correct that Lynn?
There’s also many family members who remain totally in the dark about the decision a girl makes to abort her baby. Are there are any numbers that give us an idea how many women do this in secret and how many are being practically forced into it by the fathers, parents etc?
I have two sisters who had abortions - I knew nothing about it until years later and I went through a real time of grieving.
I don’t think anyone can or does keep stats like you’re asking about VS. From my experience working with PCCs, I’ve observed many women would make a different choice if given any sense the men in their lives would support them. It’s not even a lot of support like money for the child’s lifetime, it’s just some encouragement they wouldn’t be abandoned if they carried the child to term.
The fetus’father and the woman’s mother usually are the main pressuring parties–either way.
Statistics do show that a large number of relationships (60%?) don’t last a year after a woman aborts to “save the relationship,” or in essence chooses the father over the fetus. I like to remind women of that fact because it’s such an emotionally volatile time and her decision can turn on a dime.
As to your sisters–just love them and grieve with them. Abortion is not an unforgiveable sin and Jesus can heal any wound.
Thank you for your words of wisdom Michelle. I have 2 friends and 1 acquaintance who have had abortions. One friend suffered through infertility like I did and I often wondered if it preyed on her mind. She has two wonderful children she adores now AND that is how she started dating her husband. He was just a friend until she had the abortion but he offered her support afterward and took care of her afterward. The other and her husband and two children are in the mission field somewhere in Asia. The acquaintance is an alcoholic and has made many bad choices in her life. God can forgive and make better.
Managing Editor’s Note
Here’s a link to the story:
http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/nation/la-na-menabort7jan07,1,3955517.story?coll=la-headlines-nation&track=crosspromo
It’s kind of long. If it doesn’t work, go to Google News and type in “Changing Abortion’s Pronoun.”
Odd thing is you figure most young women who have abortions most likely had someone else–an older man as statistics confirm–who paid for the procedure. Yet no abortion clinic provides police the names of statutory rapists. And never once does the proChoice industry have a man as their spokesperson. I can just hear the imaginary fellow: “My girlfriend and I werent ready to be either the parents of a newborn or to commit exclusively to each other. We chose the abortion. It wasnt easy but I’m glad we did because for us it was the right thing to do, the best thing etc. We were able to part and get on with our lives..”
A PSA spot like that would lead to the phones at NRTL burning up the lines with incoming donors
Thanks for the link to the story it worked for me and he article was very interesting.
I had an aborotion as a teen that was very traumatic. I was fortunate to find Healing Hearts. They have gospel centered Bible studies for post abortion healing (Binding Up the Broken Hearted for women and The Wounded Warrior for men). God’s word has a wonderful ability to heal all our wounds. I highly recommend it (http://www.healinghearts.org). They are also reaching out to women internationally in Africa, Russia and Holland. Check out the web sight and click on the December 2007 news letter to learn more about it. Very encouraging.
#9: Odd thing is you figure most young women who have abortions most likely had someone else–an older man as statistics confirm–who paid for the procedure. Yet no abortion clinic provides police the names of statutory rapists.
1. It’s only statutory rape if the young woman is below the age of consent.
2. The man paying for the procedure may not be the father of the child … it would be reckless for anyone to level that accusation without knowing. Even if it’s later proved false through paternity tests, the suspicion would linger, especially if the man were formally charged before being exonerated.
3. Doctor-patient privilige means that the abortion provider is under no obligation to provide such information.
Interesting story, but it’s not a Christian story. The message is: “Don’t encourage your significant other to have an abortion now because you might feel sorry about it in 20 years.” Does right and wrong really depend on whether we’ll regret something in 20 years? Scripture refers to these sorts of feelings as “the sorrow of the world.”
This is another example of the anti-abortion movement grasping at any pragmatic argument that seems to offer a degree of cultural traction without any due consideration of the argument’s theological legitimacy.
Kiyoshi - Maybe the proper emphasis isn’t the how I’ll feel about it later aspect, but rather I did this under the pressure of the moment and later realized it was wrong back when I did it.
I find that to be fairly effective in working with high school age people. I don’t lie about my own checkered past, but I make it clear that the misbehavior was wrong then and had negative consequences for a long time after.