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Friday poem
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“The Logical Vegetarian” by G.K. Chesterton
You will find me drinking rum,
Like a sailor in a slum,
You will find me drinking beer like a Bavarian
You will find me drinking gin
In the lowest kind of inn
Because I am a rigid Vegetarian.
So I cleared the inn of wine,
And I tried to climb the sign,
And I tried to hail the constable as “Marion.”
But he said I couldn’t speak,
And he bowled me to the Beak
Because I was a Happy Vegetarian.
Oh, I know a Doctor Gluck,
And his nose it had a hook,
And his attitudes were anything but Aryan;
So I gave him all the pork
That I had, upon a fork
Because I am myself a Vegetarian.
I am silent in the Club,
I am silent in the pub.,
I am silent on a bally peak in Darien;
For I stuff away for life
Shoving peas in with a knife,
Because I am a rigid Vegetarian.
No more the milk of cows
Shall pollute my private house
Than the milk of the wild mares of the Barbarian
I will stick to port and sherry,
For they are so very, very,
So very, very, very, Vegetarian.
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Soul searching
Nothing like swilling hooch as a vegetarian - nice rhyme too.
That’s top shelf stuff! I’m all smiles now. Thank you.
Very amusing. I’m not a fan of the meter, though. It’s hard to read.
Oh, haha. I just realized whom I was criticizing. G.K. is one of my favorite authors. But I stand by what I said about the meter.
The problem is that, as any honest hops-grower/beer-maker will admit, about 1/2 of one percent of your average beer is nothing but caterpiller juice and ground up mite guts. And every now and then, a bird too boozed up and fat from sucking on the drippings oozing from the vat, trips and stumbles and falls into the brew.
So, you can’t drink beer (or wine) and maintain you are a vegetarian, strictly speaking.
Hard liqour is even worse - forget the caterpillers and mites - heck, we are talking about significant numbers of large mammals and night watchmen falling into the vats in distilleries.
So I am sorry to say, you can’t be a vegetarian, if you drink, that is for sure. Not technically.
You are correct and you crak me up as usual.
Well, I’m going to to butcher a line from George Orwell’s Animal Farm:
“All poetry stinks but some poems stink more than others”
This poem definitely stinks more than many others!
I believe this is a drinking song. If not, it should be.
Great, more anti-vegetarian prejudice, courtesy of World. Yuck. It’s true that some, perhaps many, vegetarians drink alcoholic beverages, which is kind of an absurdity from a health standpoint. But not any more absurd that meat-eating Christians who drink, of which there are far more in this crazy world of ours.