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In “The Feminine Critique,” Lisa Belkin writes about the paradox of contemporary femininity:
Don’t get angry. But do take charge. Be nice. But not too nice. Speak up. But don’t seem like you talk too much. Never, ever dress sexy. Make sure to inspire your colleagues - unless you work in Norway, in which case, focus on delegating instead […] How are we supposed to be assertive, but not, at the same time?
The article asks the question, “[W]hy, 30 years after women entered the work force in large numbers, the default mental image of a leader is still male.” Hmm.
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testing again
Keep those wimmin in their place, Harrison!
Bumper sticker:
So, you’re a feminist. Isn’t that cute.
FWIW, men in leadership generally consider themselves Leaders, while women in leadership consider themselves Women Leaders.
This quote shows that the author is more concerned about appearance than leadership. I’ve never met a good leader who thought that way.
Harrison’s “hmmm” at the end suggests his message is that the image of a leader is still usually a man, because, duh, that’s the way it is.
That ignores the many cultures in the world where women are leaders. England has had many women at the very top, prime minister and Queen. I doubt anyone would say Margaret Thatcher was anything less than a capable, respected leader.
Pakistan and India have also had women as heads of state, and so have many other places.
There’s nothing holding women back here except for the petrified opinions of many in our society.
SteveG,
You have noticed the woman who heads the State Department and the woman running for president, right?
Years ago a wise woman told me “To get ahead in this world, a woman must be twice as smart and work twice as hard as a man; fortunately, that isn’t very hard.”
Is there supposed to be a link somewhere?
So I have a woman for a supervisor at my job, and this has been on my mind for some time. She inevitably falls short of being a good example of either a woman or a supervisor. The two roles don’t fit well at the same time, just as if you were to wear two different outfits at once. She tries to reprimand me for doing things wrong, but she comes off all apologetic and overly-sensitive. After she emailed me about a couple of her complaints, I told my wife, “I don’t know whether to praise her for being a good woman or criticize her for being a bad boss.”
Can anyone really deny that a woman is different than a man metaphysically–that is, in intangible, non-genital ways? Is there no difference in reaction or atmosphere when a woman enters a room than when a man does? Of course there is.
Cameron,
Those are probably two of the unsexiest women ever. They can’t have it both ways.
Amusing comments.
Great discussion. Fun to read.
My favorite comment?
She tries to reprimand me for doing things wrong, but she comes off all apologetic and overly-sensitive. After she emailed me about a couple of her complaints, I told my wife, “I don’t know whether to praise her for being a good woman or criticize her for being a bad boss.”
LOL!
I can see that happening so easily.
That could easily have been done by one of my best friends.
I think the image a leader is still a man because most of the “leaders” the feminists put forth seem to be mean and viscious, not the kind image of a mother, which is what most of us prefer deep down inside.
David L.,
Your example certainly sounds like a woman who is not comfortable with the role of supervisor. I would probably be like that myself, which is why I do not ever intend to apply for any supervisory positions.
I have had women supervisors who were not apologetic or overly sensitive, however. Some end up being insensitive, but others do quite well in their role, able to provide direction and criticism without either being apologetic or overbearing. Some of those were supervisors only over other women - I imagine for some women it is harder to supervise men.
I can think of one supervisor I worked with - but not under - who appeared to deal quite well with both men and women. But as I did not report to her myself, it is hard to say how accurate my impressions were.
You ask, “Can anyone really deny that a woman is different than a man metaphysically–that is, in intangible, non-genital ways?” If you mean the average woman, then clearly there are differences in how women and men talk, think, and act. But there is a wide spectrum of behavior, with one end (most men) tending to be aggressive, competitive, and task-oriented, while the other end (most women) are cooperative and relationship-oriented. Some men and some women are in the middle, and some nearer the opposite end (from others with the same genital equipment).
As for your other question, “Is there no difference in reaction or atmosphere when a woman enters a room than when a man does? Of course there is.” - it depends a great deal on the environment (is it at work? a party? at church? at home?), how well the people know the woman or man who enters, and his/her overall demeanor. I don’t notice any particular difference when I am sitting in a meeting room at work, and someone else comes into the meeting. I’m sure it would be quite different in other circumstances.
I meant to add (and I was busy typing it in my first set of comments when the screen refreshed and wiped out everything I had typed!) that I do have a default mental image of a male leader, but that probably has a lot to do with the fact that I grew up in the 60’s. The only woman leader I knew as a child was the director of Christian Ed at church, and of course she worked mostly with children.
Cameron at #6: Good points!!
The “default image of a leader is still a man” because people are brought up to think a certain way, and it’s not easy to get them to think differently.
We treat males and females differently from birth. The way a parent talks to, plays with, and handles their infant is different, depending on whether it’s a girl or a boy. We still bring up boys to think of themselves as leaders. We still bring up girls to think of themselves as followers.
One must also consider the influence of conservatism (especially the Christian variety), which exerts tremendous pressure on females to assume certain traditional roles. Leadership is not one of those roles. There will be occasional exceptions to that (a Condi Rice, for instance), but as a whole, women are still shunted into certain boxes. It’s both subtle and overt.
Finally, one must consider that women are forced to play “dual roles” in most cases. A woman can be a boss at work, but she still has to be the primary care giver. Her time and attention have to be divided. Men are still expected to primarily work. Everything else falls way down the list (or doesn’t even make the list).
In summary, women have come a long way, but there is still a long way to go.
I want to thank all the women who work so hard and do so much in the face of incredible difficulties. Most of us men don’t know what it’s like to be judged, held back, harassed, or discriminated against because of our gender.
What a small world, David L.. — I know who you are. You’re the guy my friend supervises! She’s told me about you often. You’re the guy who needs to take direction from a meat axe. When she tells you to do something, instead of doing it, you wonder whether she’s a boss or your woman — excuse me, your boss or a woman. “Sure, I fall short next to a guy like that,” she told me. “But I’ve got the knife.”
DavidL,
Never claimed they were sexy. SteveG was lamenting the lack of powerful women in America versus other countries (none of which I want to live in). I just reminded him we have a couple powerful women right now.
Harrison — The default image is male so they save a little bit of money on those glossy annual reports. All those guys in suits are models.
I can just here some of the folks here praying every night–God save us from women who are too bossy and men who are too fay…
The Christian rules of sexual engagement and parity evolved 2000-3000 years ago when life itself was a daily struggle,and both physical strength and child/worker-bearing were of crucial importance every day.
We aren’t living in those times any more. Like it or not, there is almost no task left in this world that a woman can’t do just as well as a man.
Of all the institutions of the Western World, fundamentalist religion is by far the most refractory and stupidly exclusionist when it comes to women’s rights. It is incredible to me mind that any woman would participate in any kind of intellectual exercise where, by definition, her thoughts and her words are worth less than any man’s.
Cameron at #18: I hope you noted I acknowledged your reminding me.
I had hoped Condi would also run for president. While I lean more Democrat than Republican, she’s very capable and definitely a leader. It would have been really cool to have an election where both of the major-party nominees were women.
It would have been a really interesting campaign year, and one where I would really have to put some serious thought into deciding which one to vote for.
good leadership is about confidence and balance, qualities which can possesed by either gender or not possessed by either gender. This discussion reaches into aburdity with the following;
the two roles don’t fit well at the same time, just as if you were to wear two different outfits at once.
Leadership is incompatible with female genitalia?
As a women let me just say that, NONE of the male candidates are sexy.
#23
You’re a woman, KBELLS. You would say that. Probably there are guys out there who think some of the current male candidates are very sexy. You know.
As for a woman who could run a country, I would vote for Queen Elizabeth I in a heartbeat, if she were available.
Now there was a woman who knew how to run a country and protect homeland security. Not to mention pretty sexy, too, while she was at it.
Oh, Bess, where art thou when we need you?